Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
