the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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