I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
