You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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