M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
