I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
