toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got chris browned last night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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