We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My penis needs a shock collar
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
