I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
