Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
