butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
