What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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