We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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