a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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