too bad you live with your parents still
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You left your phone here
Wait...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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