So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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