I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
