just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
