im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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