I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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