I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The Olympian is in my bed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
