OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
