I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
