just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
