SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize