i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
