She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
