I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
