I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
