I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
