brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
be right there i have to get my cape
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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