It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
