we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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