why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
