omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
