I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
