Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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