the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
