doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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