Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
