If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
