You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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