Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
