You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize