You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
