Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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