pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i came on her dog
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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