im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hippo gnu deer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
