I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Actions speak louder than pants.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
