By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
