Say something about gay babies.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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