K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
