I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
