Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
