my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize