Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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