why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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