for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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