coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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