I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
