dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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