Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
