Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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