Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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