Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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