he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
