i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
