quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
