the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
