I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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