Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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